When we first met I had been away in the military for some years. To know your dad named you after me was shocking to say the least. I didn’t really know how I felt about that especially since he hadn’t even asked me first. Then we met, face to face and I was in love. I wished you were closer to me so I could spoil you like I wanted to be spoiled as a little girl. Little did I know you were going to be showing and teaching me things I had no idea I needed to know. You were a small independent person who gave herself her own injections like it was nothing. I was in awe of you and I never got to tell you.
After my mom died your dad and I stopped speaking. I guess we both had to deal with life as it worked for us and we weren’t on the same page then. The day he called me in tears because you were hurt tore me apart, I couldn’t get to him fast enough. I wanted to take all of his pain and shift it onto me so that my little brother would not have to deal with this kind of hurt. I believe in that moment I realized why he named you after me. My little brother looked up to me and he knew I would do anything I could to protect him. After years of not talking to each other he called me and told me how afraid he was and he didn’t know what to do. That meant something special to me.
The decision had been made and the guilt that came over me was great. We had just talked about you coming to visit and spending the summer here with me and we didn’t move on it. I carried that guilt around for a long time and I think about it to this day, had we not acted like busy adults and put the plan in motion you would still be here with us celebrating your 25th birthday instead of us saying Happy Heavenly Birthday. Girl I miss you so much I can’t even explain it.
Covering your mom and dad are my biggest wishes. I can only imagine the pain they feel in their hearts with losing you.
I love you,
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