When we first met I had been away in the military for some years. To know your dad named you after me was shocking to say the least. I didn’t really know how I felt about that especially since he hadn’t even asked me first. Then we met, face to face and I was in love. I wished you were closer to me so I could spoil you like I wanted to be spoiled as a little girl. Little did I know you were going to be showing and teaching me things I had no idea I needed to know. You were a small independent person who gave herself her own injections like it was nothing. I was in awe of you and I never got to tell you.

After my mom died your dad and I stopped speaking. I guess we both had to deal with life as it worked for us and we weren’t on the same page then. The day he called me in tears because you were hurt tore me apart, I couldn’t get to him fast enough. I wanted to take all of his pain and shift it onto me so that my little brother would not have to deal with this kind of hurt. I believe in that moment I realized why he named you after me. My little brother looked up to me and he knew I would do anything I could to protect him. After years of not talking to each other he called me and told me how afraid he was and he didn’t know what to do. That meant something special to me.

The decision had been made and the guilt that came over me was great. We had just talked about you coming to visit and spending the summer here with me and we didn’t move on it. I carried that guilt around for a long time and I think about it to this day, had we not acted like busy adults and put the plan in motion you would still be here with us celebrating your 25th birthday instead of us saying Happy Heavenly Birthday. Girl I miss you so much I can’t even explain it.

Covering your mom and dad are my biggest wishes. I can only imagine the pain they feel in their hearts with losing you.

I love you,

Aunties Babygirl

3 responses to “Chi-Chi”

  1. What a beautiful tribute to your niece, it is heart breaking but also heart felt. You already know you will see her again some day. I pray for comfort to you, your brother and his wife as they live with this grief.


    1. Brenda Spann Avatar
      Brenda Spann

      What a blessing it is to be able to put your hurts out where others can read and know you can heal from doing this. I have journaled for years, but no one has ever read my feelings. I’ve learned over the yrs what I’ve really gotten over & what I still harbor in my heart. If I can share it and I don’t have those same feelings of hurt or if I can talk about it and no longer cry.
      I know God has healed my heart.
      Thank you Sis for starting this because I feel that I’m now able to get to know you. I love you & keep doing this.❤️❤️❤️

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Brenda I really do appreciate you taking the time to read and comment on my Blogs. There are so many topics that I have sitting in draft form that I haven’t hit submit for that I have to keep praying on because it will be a healing for me but it may hurt others.


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