Chi's Pen

It has almost been one year since I made my first blog posting. In April of 2021 I decided I was going to go ahead and finally do something I had been wanting to do for so long. The words that follow, are from the second post I made and I was super proud of it and the title holds a special meaning for me. So when I went to do some edits and repost it earlier in the year and the post was gone, I was devastated. The title was there but nothing else. I was a complete mess, I didn’t know what to do, no I didn’t save it anywhere else like I knew I should have. If I be honest I hadn’t saved any of my post, I was new to this. I know, I know everybody knows to save your work in more than one place. So anyway, just when I said “forget it, never mind it’s gone.” It was recovered, I was this close to tears right at my desk at work. The feeling you have when something is special to you and it is lost can put you in a real funk but when it is recovered, restored or returned is a feeling like no other. I hope when you read this, you will see why it was special. Yes I added some stuff to it that is what we do.

It took me a long time to get to a place of creating a blog. I’ve had the desire for as long as I can remember but at the same time I have always been self-conscious of what others thought of what I had to say. You think that comes from the old saying, stay out of grown folks business or children only speak when spoken to? Wait maybe some of you never heard those sayings, it could have just been in my household. Then again maybe it was just said to me because my brother was always running his mouth. It could have been he just didn’t listen like I did. Yeah I think that was it, he was going to say what he wanted to say regardless.

As a child and well into my early adult life, I felt I had to compete with others to be heard. I could be standing in a group of people holding a conversation, then notice people would talk over me as if I wasn’t there or they were not hearing me. I carried that feeling for a very long time. I think that dismissive feeling was the thing that triggered my desire to write all of my thoughts on paper. Writing gives me the feeling that no one can or will over talk me, no one can make me feel like I am not in the room. No one can stop my thoughts, so I can just write until I feel empty of words.

My love of writing makes me think everyone likes to express themselves in the same way. I’ve learned over the years, many people find it hard to write their feelings and emotions on paper for fear someone else may read them and they aren’t ready to share. Others just don’t have the patience to sit and write what they are feeling and that is just crazy talk to me. I find it easier to write my thoughts over talking to a person.

For those who have not a single desire to write for fear of someone seeing your inner most thoughts, try this. Take a moment, set a timer, and write as much as you can, every single word in that set time. No matter how many pieces of paper it may take, just get it all out. Spelling, sentence structure, grammar, none of that matters just write. After you have written all of your emotions on the paper, take those pieces of paper and BURN THEM! Don’t tear them up because people can take the time if they really want and put torn pieces of paper back together. Once you set fire to it you are releasing yourself from those feelings. Burned pieces of paper become ashes. You’ve gotten those feelings, emotions, anger, secrets, and all that unhappiness you’ve been carrying around with you for so long finally off of you. In burning those pieces of paper no one will ever see them but they won’t be on you anymore. Try it once or twice and see if you feel a difference. I hope it works for you like it works for me.

Chi’s Pen